Dealing with a passing.
A few months ago, my beloved step-father passed away. I loved him more than my real father.
He was everything to me. He showed me how to live. He showed me how to never let anything bog you down. He showed me how to see the sun in between all the dark clouds. He walked with me, cried with me, laughed with me, played with me. He was around for me during my entire childhood when my real father was not. He was my daddy.
And then he went. Went away to heaven. Because of a car accident.
And I would never get to see him again, never get to hold his hand, never get to walk with him.
When I found out about that, I think I died a little inside. I contemplated jumping out of a window, I was so grieved and miserable. I did not want to do this because of suicidal feelings, I did this because I wanted to be with him, wherever he was.
I like to think I know what pain feels like, because I’ve gone through a lot of it myself and because I know what sadness, misery, and despair it. Part of this understanding comes from the fact that I knew at a young age everyone around me would die, and I would too, eventually. Part of it comes from the fact that I am a psychology student. Part of it comes from my personal experiences.
I don’t normally post personal things here, unless they are of relevance to others. In fact, I dare say people on the internet know very little about me at all.
So I guess I may be writing this to obtain a bit more closure.
And I know not everyone has probably dealt with the passing of a loved one so dear to them as my father was to me, but to those that have, you can make it through, no matter how sad you may be.
I mentioned above that I knew at a young age everyone around me would die and I eventually would helped me to deal with the fact that death is as natural as being born. It is a part of the vicious cycle of life that is governed by Mother Nature. And it is a part of the cycle of balance on our planet. If no one died, the planet would be flooded. If no one lived, the planet would be bare and empty. Nature abhors a vacuum, and Nature tries to achieve a balance in everything. If you put those two together, it equals creation and destruction. And I know scientifically speaking, there is no creation and destruction. But there is a death and there is a birth.
Growing up with a series called Harry Potter taught me that Death will come for you, one way or another. It is inevitable. The thing is, you’re not truly alone in this world. You’re probably never truly alone. And that is by far the most important thing Harry Potter as a series has taught me. When someone dies, they will be gone physically. But their spirit and their memory lives on, and with that to guide you, how can you be truly alone? You embody that spirit, and you carry on their memory. Their memory will be more than enough to give you strength to face life’s many obstacles. And in the case of Harry James Potter, the memory of his parents and those he loved and cared about gave him enough strength to walk to what he assumed was his death.
You should never be afraid of dying. Because when Death comes for you, treat him like an old friend. When you know you’re going to die, and when you can fully accept the fact that no one will live forever, no matter how hard they try, you become a true master of Death. You can be safe in the knowledge that you will leave someone behind, someone that though you may not know it, will carry on your spirit and your memory.
Writing all of this reminds me of one of my favorite songs in the history of my favorite songs, called “Welcome to the Black Parade”, by My Chemical Romance. It is from the album The Black Parade, which deals with the concept of death and living on, according to me.
These lines particularly stand out.
Went through it all, the rise and fall,
The bodies in the streets.
And when your gone we want you all to know…
We’ll carry on,
We’ll carry on.
And though you’re dead and gone, believe me,
Your memory will carry on.
It stands as a true testament to the fact that no matter how far away a loved one may be, you are always there to carry on their memory.
To my father, wherever he is, I want you to know that you will be missed by every person that knew you on this planet. You were amazing to me. You were my daddy. I will be here to carry on your memory.
And when I’m gone, someone else will carry on both of our memories.